When: 26/03/2011

Where: Les Gets, France

Stayed: Hotel Les Alpages

Question: How do you know when you’ve had too many crepes and croissants?
Answer: When you find yourself actively seeking out the prunes at breakfast…

The trip to Les Gets was almost too easy and we kept waiting for something to go wrong. (It’s a genuine surprise to us when we manage to arrive in a new country unscathed.)

A quick flight to Geneva and then a shuttle transfer waiting for us in the car park made for a smooth transition. We were escorted by a self proclaimed communist driving Brit who regaled us with his views on the Government and how the end of the world was coming soon if the NHS was abolished. Can’t understand how he ended up doing daily 3 x 2hr return trips to Geneva for a living with such subtle opinions…? Within 1 hour of arriving in Switzerland we were checking into our hotel in the French Alps – Les Alpages. Much to my delight we were greeted by a snoring Golden Retriever in reception. After several minutes of cooing and saying ‘hello fella etc etc’ it suddenly occurred to me that even though the locals were bi-lingual, it was probably a stretch to expect a pooch to understand English. ‘Bonjour’ got a yawn and sniff of the hand which was good enough for me.

Les Gets was every bit the stereotypical French resort complete with breadstick carrying locals, charcuteries every 10 metres and croissants begging to be eaten at all times of the day. (Hence the prune seeking expedition) The locals were extremely friendly and very obliging when presented with ‘parlez vous anglais?’ We couldn’t have been more grateful given our very limited French and desire to eat.

The snow in Les Gets was definitely on the tail end of the season – but for us ‘hacks’ this was more than sufficient. Day 1 brought perfect blue skies, some seriously sun burnt faces and a plethora of kids – turns out it was the last day of school holidays and the parents were wearing out the frenchlings before embarking on the trip home. Watching such a large number of kids skiing in groups is one of the funniest sights I’ve seen. In a scene reminiscent of Happy Feet, the kids skied with their arms extended scarecrow style, backsides brushing the snow and a snow-plough action so deep that I wondered how they managed to walk in a straight line afterwards. They would tail their instructors like sniffer dogs down the mountain, single file. The concentration on their faces broken only by the domino effect of carnage as someone in the line lost control. Watching the action from the chairlift was a bit like being unable to tear your eyes away from a car crash. Perfectly in sync, fluid as a group, 1 stumble followed by a yelp and 4 car pile up. Assuming no serious injuries, fantastic entertainment.

After only a few runs, Justin and I discovered our ski legs again and promoted ourselves to the red runs. Wearing our ‘red run’ upgrade like a badge of honour, we skied with confidence for several hours before stopping at a little café, half-way down one of the slopes. Having mastered a few basic phrases, Jusitn ordered deux café crème and un crepe con le beurre et sucre. After being disappointed that café crème was literally coffee with cream (not milk) we sat back in the sun and waited for the crepe to come out. The peace was broken by a high pitched scream coming from the café window. “Joostine!!! Joostine!!!   Every patron in the café turned around in unison to see who was being attacked – only to see the waitress madly gesturing from the window for Justin to come and collect his crepe. The tables of Brits around us erupted with laughter as Joostine slunk over to the café window, apologising profusely for being late. Oh how I love the language barrier when two people hear and understand completely opposite instructions. The slap on the wrist and 5 mins of mortification were well worth the delicious crepe though!

Day 2 of skiing brought a deserted resort and hours of free wheeling down the mountain. The highlight of the day being the discovery of the longest run in the resort which took in the highest peak, most spectacular views and best snow cover. An outstanding pizza mountainside for lunch and we both contemplated whether it was possible to recreationally ski for a living. The lowlight of the day was the run-in I had with an out of control snowboarder. Like a stunned rabbit I could only watch as the snowboarding camaze careened down the mountain straight for me. Taking a leaf out of the frenchlings’ book my instinct drove my legs into a ridiculous looking snow plough action that screamed ‘survival!’. Somewhat miraculously I managed to stay upright on one leg as the lunatic swept my right leg from underneath me. It all happened so quickly that by the time I’d finishing telling him what I thought (in no uncertain terms), I was nearing the bottom of the run and found myself accepting praise from those around me for remaining on my feet!

The day was topped off by a meal at L’Outa which rates as one of the most outstanding feeds we’ve both ever had. Life surely doesn’t get any better…

 

 

Top 10 for Les Gets:

1. Screaming obscenities at crazy snowboarders won’t change their behaviour…but will make you feel a whole lot better!
2. Animals are not necessarily multi lingual
3. Eating 6 croissants a day will wreak havoc with your digestive system
4. It’s often easier to fly into a different European country to the one you’re planning to ski in
5. French people do in fact carry around breadsticks…
6. Contrary to popular opinion, I firmly believe there is a place on the slopes for a ridiculous looking snow-plough action
7. Avoid restaurants where the menu is written in English
8. Don’t ask socialist shuttle bus drivers for their opinion on the world
9. Just because it’s 2 degrees doesn’t mean you won’t get sunburnt
10. Don’t judge the French by the Parisians

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